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Dating & Relationships
Scripture never mentions dating. It has a great deal to say about the things dating is for.
Scripture never mentions dating — the practice did not exist. It has a great deal to say about the things dating is for, and this study stays with those rather than inventing rules.
What you’ll explore
- 01 Why the Bible has no chapter on dating
- 02 What it does address
- 03 Attraction and desire, spoken of well
- 04 Deciding what you are actually doing
- 05 Faith shared, and faith not shared
- 06 Honesty with each other and with people who know you
- 07 Ending something well
Why the Bible has no chapter on dating
Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
Marriage in the biblical world was arranged between families, often young, and courtship as we know it is a modern invention. That means anyone claiming a biblical dating method is extrapolating. What Scripture gives is principles about character, honesty and marriage, which have to be applied with judgment.
What it does address
Read 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; Proverbs 31:30; 1 Samuel 16:7
Sexual holiness, treating people as people rather than as things to be exploited, and looking at character over appearance — the Lord looks at the heart. Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting. These are the actual biblical inputs to the question.
Attraction and desire, spoken of well
Read Song of Songs 2:8-14; Song of Songs 8:6-7
An entire book of the Bible is love poetry, frankly physical and entirely unembarrassed. Christians have read it both as a picture of God’s love for his people and as what it plainly is; both readings have long histories. Its presence in the canon says desire is not the enemy.
Deciding what you are actually doing
Read Luke 14:28; Proverbs 13:16
Count the cost before you build. Much of the pain in modern relationships comes from two people never saying out loud what this is. Clarity is kinder than ambiguity, and it is available at any point.
Faith shared, and faith not shared
Read 2 Corinthians 6:14-16; 1 Corinthians 7:39
Paul’s "do not be unequally yoked" is written about a broader range of partnerships than marriage, and Christians differ on how far it reaches into dating. He does say a widow is free to marry "only in the Lord". Most traditions have read these together as counselling marriage between believers; how strictly that applies to a relationship still forming is a matter of judgment.
Honesty with each other and with people who know you
Read Ephesians 4:25; Proverbs 11:14; Proverbs 27:6
Put away falsehood and speak the truth with your neighbour. In an abundance of counsellors there is safety. A relationship conducted entirely out of sight of anybody who loves you is missing a safeguard Scripture repeatedly recommends. What physical boundaries before marriage should be is drawn differently by faithful Christians; that honesty and self-control belong in the answer is not disputed.
Ending something well
Read Matthew 7:12; Ephesians 4:29, 31
Do to others as you would have them do to you — which covers how you end things, not only how you begin them. Say it clearly, say it kindly, say it once, and do not narrate it to other people afterwards. Bitterness and slander are on Paul’s list of things to put away.
Questions to sit with
- Have the two of you said out loud what this is?
- Who that loves you actually knows how this relationship is going?
- What have you decided about boundaries, and did you decide it in advance?
Every passage in this study
Song of Songs 2 1 Corinthians 6 2 Corinthians 6 1 Thessalonians 4
Go deeper
Where this connects
This study sits inside a larger story. Read the passages above in their own books, and follow the thread back through Scripture as a whole.